dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
