O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Four minutes until I can fart!
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
