glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I could fuck to npr.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
false alarm, still single
Randomize
