Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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