i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
