i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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