Cold hands, warm shart.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
