I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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