is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I love having hate sex.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
