She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
