Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
