Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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