Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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