i jhust puked up my retainher.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
