Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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