Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
