It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
