i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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