Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
