One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
