how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
