I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
