i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
