Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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