Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
