I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just high enough for therapy.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
