I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
