fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
