My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
