He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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