well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
