Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
