Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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