Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
