why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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