Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
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