I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
