He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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