I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
