No awkward lesbian experiences without me
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
