Kareoke will never be a sober sport
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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