I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
