I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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