Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
