Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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