Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
