that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
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So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
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I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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