I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
