I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
