Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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