I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
