apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
