btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
