did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
