did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
