with your own penis?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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