so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
