So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
i out mim tonsoeep
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