Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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