i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
