My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
