do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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