She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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