Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
